thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
a search helicopter?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
