i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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