i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
