D3 body, D1 cock
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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