I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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