My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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