They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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