Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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