Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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