somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
