I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
