i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
