Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i came on her dog
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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