Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
