Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
