tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
