Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
