I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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