i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
