whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
