They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
