is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
