its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
