I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
