just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
