The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
