she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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