like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
