Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
