Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
