you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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