I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
