Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
