She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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