Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Vodka?
Forever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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