No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
