Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
