I've blown a few things in my day
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
