Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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