She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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