I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
