This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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