Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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