If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
