I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
