saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize