By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
