We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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