remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
