the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
