"it" just moved
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
