i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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