I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
