Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
