I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
