Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
