I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
