she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
