I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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