i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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