I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
