I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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