Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
