: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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