blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You ate ashes out of my bong
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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