So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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