she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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