omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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