i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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