how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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