What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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