At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize