she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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