I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
