my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
