Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
