i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
